Hi, I'm Jennifer,

Founder of Sacred Story Medicine and the Moving Through Trauma YouTube channel. And yes, I've been to the abyss and back. 

This is my Story

Most who have trained to work with trauma have also been personally touched by it. I'm no different. We have professional qualifications and then we have spiritual qualifications... our sacred wounds and journey through the abyss. This is where we found our medicine, the complexity of which could not be fully conveyed to someone who has had an easeful life. It's not packaged learning, oh no. It's an initiation that calls in every dormant part of your being. 

So, let's address the irony here. I'm a creator of online resources for humans traversing dark nights, telling you this learning cannot be packaged! Which is it, Jennifer?!? Ha! Well, both are true. 

Sacred Story Medicine is not my medicine, dispensed to you. It's simply a toolbox to help you stabilize, navigate in the dark, and activate your own sacred medicine. I remind you to check and follow your inner compass, always.

Okay. Back to my story. It's appropriate that I spare you the gory details, so let's just say I was a very good girl who didn't actually exist. As philosopher Sandra Lee Bartky stated, "To be female in a patriarchal culture is to live with a shadow that whispers: "You are too much, and never enough." I don’t think women are the only ones who experience this. What is known as patriarchal culture hurts boys and men too. But due to the family and subculture I was raised in, for me, this wound went especially deep. 

I learned to take the temperature of every room and adjust myself accordingly. My feelings were to be swallowed, pain to be smiled through. My voice was not welcome unless I was parroting someone else’s script. Personal goals, choices, and opportunities were for others but not me. The pressure to perform the role assigned and be someone other than myself was incessant. 

My experience is relatable to many who have lived with a traumatizing narcissist and/or within a narcissistic system of control. (Traumatic narcissism theory is the work of psychoanalyst Daniel Shaw. We'll discuss it more, so stick around. This is nuanced, not pop-culture mass labeling.) As a developing human engulfed by the narcissist's world, you don't receive adequate support in exploring who you are. You exist, not as an individual self, but as an object whose sole purpose is to prop up that person or system. If this sounds familiar, just know you're in the right place. Once we come back from this abyss, our medicine is pure fire. 

Anyways, for me, this was piled on top of early developmental trauma, which was not coincidentally the focus of my professional training. A near death birth and time in NICU had wired in a belief that I was not safe. The good news is I survived! ;) But it wasn't smooth sailing. When I was a toddler, my father was incarcerated in a public case, imprinting me with shame and a nasty abandonment wound. So, before three years old, I had front loaded enough difficulty to have an injured nervous system (to put it simply). Most are familiar with fight/flight/or freeze. Well, I was stuck in deep freeze mode, which appeared as "quiet and shy". I actually had a fear paralysis response which when activated, meant I could not mobilize myself to speak, no matter how badly I wanted to. I didn't know until my 40's there is a term for this, selective (or elective) mutism. (I don't like “elective” because it sounds like it's by conscious choice, and believe me, it is not.) 

As you might imagine, being the weird kid who didn't talk made school absolute hell. Yet, at times when the pressure was off, I was a different person. I was funny, creative, and loved to dance. I was a dreamer (an escape for sure!), but I had an unshakable confidence that I would make a beautiful life for myself someday. And I did! Yet, it turned out to be more uphill than I imagined. 

The deep layers of freeze in my system, avoidance and dissociation under pressure, inability to communicate, codependency, chronic fatigue, addictive and obsessive  tendencies... not to mention a world view that had been shaped by mind control and spiritual abuse... none of that went away just because I grew up! Even when my life did look beautiful from the outside, inside I was churning with anxiety. Health wise, I was doing the "right" things obsessively, but my body was self destructing. 

I desperately wanted an expansive life, but the reality is you cannot sustainably expand without a foundation of internal support. When we have CPTSD and/or early developmental trauma, it’s like building a life on quicksand. This is why everything feels so hard and we burn out so quickly! It’s not your imagination. It’s biological. This is the core of what I teach now; how to renovate and restore our systems, slowly but surely building a strong and cohesive mind/body/soul presence. 

Well, decades long story short, moving through trauma meant I could no longer lie to myself. As my system rewired, I tuned into what my body, heart, and soul always knew. My bioenergetic restoration involved letting go of people, community, and ways of being I did not think I could survive without. The illusions of control I was gripping onto were pried away until I literally had no choice but to let go.  

I also believe, on a spiritual level, I was constantly redirected via pressure and disappointment. It often felt like I could not catch a break and was blocked in every direction. But you know what? If life felt easy, I would have sunk into stillness. Instead, I kept seeking and knocking on every wrong door, until I learned enough to unlock the one I held the key to. Without the long journey, I would never have developed the compassion and understanding required to bring this work forward. 

As the saying goes, "The universe had to make you uncomfortable or you wouldn't have moved." Maybe that's why you are here now; you're beyond uncomfortable and the pain is pushing you to do something different? If so, let me assure you this is a very good thing, yes, even when it hurts like hell! It means the time has come to alchemize your own medicine and take your story back. 

You’re in the right place and the right time, Heroine. Your path through is sacred. Your soul already knows the way. 

There is much truth in the saying "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." I am so thankful to my teachers along the way, including beloved friends and mentors. If you are so called, I am honored to serve you on your journey whether via the Moving Through Trauma channel, The Heroine's Compass programs, individual or group mentorship. I'm also grateful for you taking the time to read my story. Know the best is yet to come.

With Reverence, 

Jennifer

Professional qualifications:

• RSME/T (Somatic Movement Educator/Therapist, registered with ISMETA)
• Graduate of Dr. Annie Brook’s State of the Art Therapy/ Healing Birth Trauma somatic training program
• BHC Certified Health & Life Coach 
• Certified AFT Practitioner (memory reconsolidation technique)